pimp my ride

the godfather has been making real progress in his role as cancer escort.

there's been a bit of a cancer reprieve in our house, the time allotted to allow for internal healing, prior to radiation bombardment, which begins next week.

ever so slightly, he has fallen back into his familiar day to day demeanor, a good thing.

the indicators have not been harshly defined. it's been very subtle, like the way the sky can change gradually at sunset.

before, early on in the cancer process, if i called during the day, his phone would barely finish the first ring before his breathless hello would sound on the line.

he'd answer, are you ok?  i'd say yeah why?  

i think he thought something could or would suddenly happen.

but this was before his playbook got updated.

if i went for a few hours without calling him, he'd call and say what's going on?  i'd say not much, why?  he'd say i wanted to make sure you're ok.

i'd say i'm ok.  nothing's going to happen.

and he'd say ok.

this kind of spiked checking in lasted a fair while.

even when he was home, he seemed to need to come find me, if we happened to be on different floors of the house.  but it was the same for me, i needed to find him too.  

but now, in this space between surgeries and treatment, it's almost seemed like we've been on a kind of  cancer vacation.

a return to 'real life.'

la la la.

it's been nice.  the rhythms familiar.

though i notice, he's not picking up on the first ring anymore.

and sometimes not the 2nd, or even the 3rd.

sometimes i have to even leave a message.

and it can be an hour or two before he calls me back.

and he'll call and say, did you need me?

and i'll say yes.

and he'll say what did you need?

and on this recent day, i said well.

i've been thinking about your next car.

(which he's not even in the market for.)

but i told him anyway. 

 you'll need to get those blacked out tinted windows.

and he said this is why you called?

and i said yes.

and he said but i'm working.

and i said yeah.  so?

and he said i'm in mtgs.

and i said fine.  i just wanted to tell you about the windows.

and he said can't it wait til later?

and i said no.  you're the godfather.  god.  those guys drive around in those blacked out windows all the time, don't they?

and he said whatever.

and i said fine.  

 and he said see you later.

and i said bye.

this is the normal i'm talking about.

much better than the dramatic heightened report giving calls from  the cancer police.

the cancer feds.

so much better.

xx katy