i (heart) pink. there is not a degree or shade of it i'm not fond of. like steven tyler says in his song, 'pink, it's like red but not quite.' (i developed a low grade crush on him when i first heard this song,) there's long been an association between that color and breast cancer awareness. i'm fine with that. i've worn pink for years, though tempered with black, grey, white, or denim. i consider it a little too soft on it's own. since the diagnosis though, i found myself distancing from it a bit, it's hard to say why. but it's back in my heart now. yIpPiE! i was so convinced that what the doctors were investigating wasn't really cancer that i wore hot pink jeans to one of the early biopsies, trying to show solidarity for the cause, never imagining i'd actually be part of it. i'm pretty sure i had the strange and false idea that if i wore pink as a breast cancer patient, it'd be kind of like letting my world know i had it, without my having told them yet. ridiculous, i know. but that's what it was. i was definitely on the down low for a fair amount of time. i had to practice saying it remember, in order to even believe it myself. then i had to say it to others. and that was a weird deal too, forming those words. (it's hard being a rookie.) but i still wasn't wearing it. i wasn't ready to connect it to myself in that context. fughetta 'bout it. (as the mobsters say.)
but then marcia showed up one afternoon and brought me a black baseball cap. black is a color i've never once had a problem wearing. this hat had a couple of tiny whimsical pink ribbons monogramed on it, not in your face, just subtle and even kind of fun looking, with curly que type things around them. it was strangely love at first sight. i don't get it, but it was. i like hats, and black, and the ribbons on this cap seemed to jive. the hat was my entree, like those traveling pants were to those friends in the story of the sisterhood. i wore the hat the next day. and then a couple days later, and then a couple more times after that. i know it sounds odd, but it became a kind of badge even, a blankie. (?) it definitely helped me find my breast cancer groove. (is there a bc groove?) one of my daughters picked up on it, knowing how i am about wearing messages. she said i can't believe you're wearing that hat mom. i said i know. me neither. and yet i was. luv it. thnx marcia. (again!)
ps. i'm happy some of you are interested in reading about breast cancer rookie. i've had some questions about how to follow - on the right side of the blog is a follow by email option. you can type your email in this box, click button, and you'll get a notice from feedburner asking you to confirm your request by email. once you confirm, you should be notified anytime new blog posts are published, via email notice.
pss. re comments. there is a pencil icon at the bottom of each post. if you'd like to comment, i'd love to hear from you. click on pencil, and it will direct you to a comment box, you'll have to click on the 'comment as' box, and scroll down and click the anonymous option. this allows you to comment as yourself, not as someone thru google or blogger, or some other url. (trust me, i'm a computer rookie too) this kind of stuff is brought to you by my genius young neighbor mike v who will one day take over the world. in the best possible way.