Thursday, January 31, 2013

let's make a deal

who remembers monty hall?  talk about a hustler. an original gangster, all of those deals.  

i used to watch that show with great emotional investment.  monty would cruise the audience, select someone dressed as a cupcake or banana, and ask them, 'do you have a paperclip in your purse?'

 i used to inventory my imaginary let's make a deal purse, trying to outsmart monty if i ever got on.  as if i'd find myself in hollywood.  i was probably eleven or twelve at the time.

i forget what happened after the paper clip discovery part, but at some point, the lucky contestant would get a chance to choose between 3 doors, where the potential for far greater prizes lay in wait.  but behind one of the doors there was always a crash and burn, a 'prize' nobody wanted.  no one in the audience ever wanted to choose the wrong door. god forbid.

monty would say, with great game show host flourish, tell me. 

do you want door number 1......

 door number 2......

 ....or door number 3?

 and he'd kind of drag it out, just for suspense.

nail biting would ensue.  the audience would call out, trying to help the cupcake decide. it was pretty obvious she wanted someone to tell her. especially monty.  not that he would. 

pick door number 2!!  no 3!  go with door number 1! it's door number 1!!  

monty would smile that slick monty game show host smile. i can see it even now. the more i think about it, the more i think monty could have been in 'the family'.  he had that kind of vibe.  he'd wait.  just not forever.  he knew there was a commercial break coming up. it was monty's job to keep things moving.

the cupcake would simply have to choose. she'd have to make up her mind.

 but which door?

i told the godfather that's what it feels like.  it feels like  we're on let's make a deal.

how do we know radiation is best?  

wouldn't mastectomy be more of a guarantee?

are there any guarantees?


i said say we pick door number two.  and we get a washer and dryer.  that'd be pretty good, right?

and just to be sporty, he said sure, even though he really doesn't like playing these games.

then i asked, but what if there's a car behind door number three?

he said well.  you never know. 

 (i believe it's possible the godfather could be monty's 'nephew'.)

i said come on!  we have to decide!  do we stay with the washer and dryer, or should go for the car?  i just don't want to end up with a pair of goats that could be behind door number one. what would we do with those?

as if this is all really happening.

he said katy.  you could walk out the door and get hit by a bus.  you just never know.

i said yes i do. i know i'm not going to get hit by a bus, bc it's not like i'm going to go out and walk into traffic. duh.

he said you know what i mean.

i said which door?

do we stay with the washer and dryer, or do we try for the car?

(if the car even exists)

he said let's ask dr. bear.  that's why we have him.

i said ok.

but dr. bear is kind of like monty if you think about it.  he can't tell us either.

we have to choose.

i don't like this game anymore.  it's not like i have a cupcake costume.  and i never went to hollywood either.

xx katy

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virginia, United States