Wednesday, February 13, 2013

guilty verdict?

the strange thing about a breast cancer diagnosis, is that it can  feel similar to a courtroom diagnosis verdict.

does this woman look guilty to you?

i don't think so either.

it's not really hard to imagine the drama.

young lady, did you smoke?

no your honor, not really.  though i did bum a few cigarettes off friends at parties in college.

did you drink excessively?


did you take birth control pills?


did you avoid exercise?


are you perfect?

of course not your honor, who is? are you?

(bang bang bang of gavel.)

dramatic gasps from the galley.

order in the court!

your honor, i'm saying i ate grilled hot dogs and hamburgers on occasion, yes.  

i'm guilty of that.

did i drink diet soda?

guilty. though not excessively.

did i enjoy my fair share of cherry poptarts back in the nineties?

guilty. but i didn't eat red m and m's.

i'm not guilty of that.

did i drive a hybrid?


did i recycle?

not faithfully, no.

but your honor, i wanted to avoid spraying pesticides in the area where the cans were residing.

is that a crime?

are you throwing me in breast cancer jail for that?

i'm guilty of not buying or growing 100% organic groceries 100% of the time.

but your honor, don't the trucks they haul those products in contain diesel fuel?

and if i had my certified ingredients in my hybrid car, who's to say a city bus with it's exhaust might not be stopped in front of me at the red light?  

should i have been holding my breath?

did i stand in front of my microwave?

no your honor, but only bc  i was always doing something else.

did i drink water from plastic bottles left in my car?

yes. but that's only before i knew i shouldn't.  duh.   

so what's my verdict your honor?

wait.  you might as well know about the pigments in the makeup i applied before court this morning, and the dyes in the colors used to cover the grey in my hair.  

i'm not playing games.  this is full disclosure sir.

am i guilty or not?

and if i am, what's my cancer sentence, besides the five years i already know?

can i get a reduced sentence for time already served thanks to the  3 surgeries required to clear margins. (it'd be fair to tack   recovery time on this also) and i think it's also reasonable to consider the pending radiation.  that should count toward at least 33 days, but frankly longer, considering the drag i understand occurs post.

how long until my reprieve?

what sort of 'good behavior' will be required?

do you know?

can you say?

xx katy

1 comment:

  1. Judges are ornergy codgers -- that's why they're judges. Know it alls. John frickin' Law (thelma & louise reference, that last one). Excellent point about hauling all those recyclables & organic stuff in semi's...hello?


About Me

My photo
virginia, United States