recently i had an opportunity to offer some support (hopefully) to someone who'd just been diagnosed with the same kind of breast cancer i have.
here was my chance to get off the bench, pick up a bat, and potentially swing.
Here it was. My maiden marcia voyage.
not that i was ready.
my marcia happened to call prior. i told her i was maybe going to be a marcia too. she said it was 3 years before she became a marcia to anyone.
this was a friend of a friend of the godfather's. he said do you mind? she's going to call you. i said i don't mind. i hope i can help.
but i didn't know if i could. i don't think she was aware of my rookie status.
the phone rang and there i was. batter up.
i swung. what choice did i have?
i've been so blessed with my marcia, as i've said. we have been of one mind all the way. we seemed to wear the exact same shade of 'pink glasses', seeing things through such a similar lens.
and my surrogate marcia, the same. we spoke identical marcia language.
so i thought that was how it'd go down.
i thought we were all the same.
what do i know?
i said are you scared?
she said no.
i said no?
she said no. i'm pissed.
i said pissed? she said yes.
i said i get that. i've been pissed too. are you pissed at your body?
she said no.
i said at your breast? bc i get that too. one day i said f*ck you to my own breast when i got out of the shower. but i'm over that now.
(why should i be pissed at my body, or my breast? it's not like they gave themselves cancer.)
she said no. i'm not pissed at my breast either.
i was really trying.
i said ok. well. what are you pissed at then?
she said the universe.
i said the universe?
she said yes.
this was a real *wtf* marcia moment for me.
being in 'the lifestyle,' i'm not accustomed to having such a nonspecific target. generally speaking, if there's an issue, it's a matter of a phone call or two, a late night drive along the hudson river on a moonless night, and a pair of makeshift concrete boots.
badda bing. badda boom.
(delete this part.)
how do you resolve an issue with the universe?
i don't think even the godfather can solve that one.
some marcia i am.