the other morning the godfather and i were at the sinks in our bathroom. he was shaving, i was brushing my teeth.
i had on a god awful pair of glasses, who knows what was up with my hair.
i'd already been mulling over the idea of what was going to happen once the radiation was over, and the tamoxifen intake would begin.
tamoxifen is a hormone suppressant, and since we know my cancer is highly estrogen receptor positive (er+) they are recommending tamoxifen as part of adjuvant therapy for 5 yrs. post treatment.
they want my body to stop producing its own cancer food.
estrogen does fabulous things also. it is fuel.
a kind of holy grail.
you can call it a fountain of youth if you want.
tamoxifen's purpose will give my estrogen the old heave ho.
farewell youthful energy.
hello synthetic menopause.
i asked the godfather, do you think i'll turn into mrs. doubtfire?
he said no.
i said come on.
he said no.
i said i'm not judging.
i have no issue with her.
if i did, there'd be a shovel involved.
(ssshhh re this.)
but i have a strong sense we will be a form of distant twins when the tamoxifen sets in.
i don't like it.
but what are the choices?
don't take it. increase odds of recurrence.
(perish the thought.)
take it. hello mrs. doubtfire?
whatever 'old' is, i don't want tamoxifen taking me there. i'd rather ease in on my own.