Tuesday, February 5, 2013

say hello to my little friend

what can you say about al?  it seems like it took forever for the godfather to admit to having a favorite movie other than scarface.
i couldn't accept it for the longest time.  i'd say look. i can't be with a guy who's favorite movie is scarface.  it's just not me. 
he'd say oh well.  

later, when we had our first daughter, his new favorite became the little mermaid. his nickname for her was flounder.  she's 23 now, in grad school.  i hear him saying hey flounder to her when she calls.

but he still loved scarface.

as life went on, we had 3 more daughters.  scarface began to fade a bit to the side.  this summer, our favorite was the odd life of timothy green.  we started calling one of our daughters timothy for a while, bc her charming world views seemed to jive so much with his in our minds.  but then it stopped, after too many times  of calling out timothy!  didn't we tell you to clean up your room? or let's go timothy! you're going to be late for school!

i don't remember when i started calling him the godfather.  but i know i started calling myself mafia wife several years ago.  i had a black tank top printed, with white gangster lettering across the front, those two words, MAFIA WIFE.

not that i was fooling anyone.

 but this was around the time our two middle daughters were of junior high and early high school age.  i somehow figured if their friends really believed we were in 'the life,' maybe it could serve as a  skewed sort of insurance policy, so that everyone might tow the line.

as if.

we learned about the possibility of cancer a few weeks before thanksgiving this fall, though by then hadn't rec'vd any official diagnosis.  we decided to do something different for the holiday, so rented a house down in cordova, in the way out part of the outer banks, where you have to drive on the beach to get there. we thought that could be fun, driving to the 'edge of the world.'

you can run, but you can't hide. 

 the cancer police called us even down there.  

the call was only a reminder about the surgery on the tuesday after thanksgiving.  or maybe it was wednesday, i don't remember now.  but at the time, i said no shit, as i hung up the phone.  like i'd forget my own cancer scavenger hunt surgery.   

but.  thanksgiving itself was fab.  the house was nice, right on the beach. it was soothing going out on the deck to hear the sound of the waves. wild ponies came up on the property, and ate apples right out of timothy's hands. 

everybody cooked.  the table itself was different though.  solid glass, long as a runway.  i told the godfather, how positively scarface.

when we sat down, late afternoon, the godfather seemed very far away,  all the way down at the other end of that long and shiny glass.  the girls were two and two on each side.  we didn't know yet re the cancer, like i said, but we knew no matter what we were grateful, and went around the table saying so. we couldn't hold hands though, that's how long that damn table was.

it was offbeat. sure we were thankful.  that was easy.  but we didn't know what else was coming, just around the bend.  there was a kind of invisible pendulum, swinging, ever so slowly, straight toward the glass. it was so real you could almost feel the vibration of it if you closed your eyes. which i didn't.  bc there was a way i already knew.

xx katy

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virginia, United States