Wednesday, March 20, 2013

cancer curveball

i'd been told to anticipate one of the side effects of treatment known as 'radiation fatigue.'

at first, there was no issue at all, it was 100% la la la.

i told the godfather, and he told me, this may not be too big of a deal.

 we seemed to offer each other a kind of invisible high 5 on that possibility,  as if we could will it to be true.

wanting to be an exception, doesn't necessarily make you one.

i wasn't looking for fatigue. i thought if i just went about my normal business, as if radiation were nothing but a mere pitstop during my day, then perhaps it's effects wouldn't find me.  

 yesterday i met marcia for lunch. it was nice catching up and chatting through the sunlit window.

when we parted on the sidewalk afterwards, out in the mid day sunshine, she mentioned something about the fatigue, i don't remember now exactly, but it was along the lines of it doesn't seem to have gotten you yet.

and i think i said something along the lines of so far so good.


i'm beginning to believe there is something in the universe known as the cancer curveball.

it can creep up when you're not looking.

wham. bam.

we need another look at your mammogram ma'am.

things like that.

after our parting i had to stop by the grocery store.

i made it 1/2 way through the aisles, and bam.  there it was, a kind of side effect sucker punch.

i was hit with a fatigue out of nowhere.   i actually fantasized about laying down and taking a nap in the baking aisle, i figured the bags of confectioners sugar might make decent pillows.  the sacks of flour could provide decent insulation for sound.

i've been tired here and there during the course of 50 years of living.

but i have never once wanted to take a nap in the grocery store.

not ever.

i mentioned it to the godfather when he got home.  

i said i can't be taking a nap in the grocery store.

who does that?

but that was yesterday.

this is today.  

as curveballs go, that could have been a fluke.

that's where my money's going.

that's what i told the g'father.

there's no way that will happen everyday.

i think it was a fluke.

don't you?

he said we'll see i guess.

i said yeah.

fingers crossed.

curveballs are the stuff of rookies dreams.

xx katy

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virginia, United States