what's not to love about nelson?
i don't know when i realized i had a fascination with him, even a kind of crush, i admit.
i don't remember any particular beginning.
it just seems like it's always been there, my nelson mandela swoon.
what were his words, in response to his captivity?
'i decided they had my body.
but i wasn't going to give them my heart and mind.'
see what i mean?
who can't love a dude like that?
i've thought of him during these early days of radiation.
so my body gets strapped on a rolling gurney.
but it's not like i'm a prisoner.
so i'm stuck on the 'wrong' side of the metal door,
it doesn't make me 'not free.'
my heart still beats in there.
even with the laser focus firing of that radioactive beam.
my mind can think what it wants.
so just because i'm strapped in,
stuck in that windowless room,
and dosed with radiation,
doesn't mean i can't say la la la
to myself if i want.
i can think about lunch if i want.
i can ponder vacations.
i'm not in captivity.
i guess i kinda am.
or my body is.
for just those few minutes anyway
not my heart.
not my mind.
am i radioactive?
only if i let myself believe it.