it is an excellent, though grueling program.
everything is scrutinized.
every. little. thing.
not much gets past her 'finely tuned' senses.
so when she told me,
'don't take this the wrong way, but you don't look like you have cancer', i wasn't offended.
i knew what she meant.
i said is it because i have hair?
and she said yes. i think that's part of it.
i said and?
bc there's always an and is there not?
she said well.
i see you still being you. doing your regular stuff.
still being the same.
this was a real hallelujah moment for me.
you have no idea.
that was the very idea after all.
in the very beginning of all this cancer bs, i thought oh.
i don't want our girls to be scared.
does this mean i'm not human?
if you get cancer, or are dealing with it now, i believe there is reason to be hopeful.
there are ways to hold onto yourself.
even if you're tired.
you are still you.
your very own art director student adult children can see it.
if they couldn't, trust me, they'd tell you.
they are the captains of their very own scrutiny ships.
scrutiny rhymes with mutiny.
mutiny means open rebellion against authority.
depending on the rebellion, i have no particular issue with that.
i don't look sick?
i'll take it.
many minutes of many hours, i don't feel sick either.
mostly i have to be reminded.
and still though,
it can be hard to believe.